Dead Ends and U-Turns

About 10 years ago my life, the life that I had created, the life that I had fabricated hit a dead end. The road, the solid surface under my feet disappeared. The road ahead of me, my future, vanished. The road behind me, the path that brought me to the place I stood, was littered with regret, shame and anger. I found myself in the terrifying position of being frozen in place, unable to move forward or go back.

“Mistakes are part of life. Everyone makes them. Everyone regrets them. But some learn from them and some end up making them again. It’s up to you to decide if you’ll use your mistakes to your advantage.” – Meredith Sapp

I don’t know too many perfect people. Everyone carries some sort of baggage with them. Baggage can be quiet and personal, very private and internal or it can make the front-page of the local newspaper for the world, at least everyone in your world to see. None of us are in a position to judge the good or bad of someone else’s baggage, to decide if one sin is worse than another. We all have our own preconceived notions about the magnitude of sin. Certainly it would seem that taking someone’s life is much worse than driving drunk but that line could be blurred in the matter of seconds.

“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” – Walter Anderson

I am not a Psychiatrists or a counselor, I am simply someone who made a U-turn in the darkness back towards the light. I can’t undo past regrets but I can accept them as my mistakes, my baggage, and live each day in the present moments that I have left. Will the rest of my life be perfect and peaceful? No, that sounds like the description of being in a coma. I expect the road ahead of me to be filled with potholes, speed-bumps and stop signs but it is a road I will gladly travel in the light because I have experienced life in the dark, at the end of a dead-end road.

About ends and beginnings blog

I am a frustrated writer and poet waiting to be discovered. A stand-up philosopher performing on a street corner near you. A Christian with questions but I don’t want to hear your answers. A Buddhist with a bumper sticker on my truck to prove it. A collector of quotes. A grower of lettuce. The Patron Saint of earthworms who name their children after me. A cyclist whose big ass strains the seams of his Lycra bibs. I am American by birth, Southern by the grace of God. My goal in life is to leave an imprint on the lives of the people I love not a footprint on the earth. I am a son, a husband, a father composed of 65%-Oxygen, 18%-Carbon, 10%-Hydrogen, 3%-Nitrogen, 3%-Diet Coke and 1%-Oreo.
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12 Responses to Dead Ends and U-Turns

  1. cobgoddess says:

    Maybe would be better if you expect nothing and fill the road with your most beautiful dreams, emotions and heartfelt moments.
    Darkness is the moment we are being called to awaken to our true identity .And it is there , at the fork in the road we realize we are free to choose.
    You have been there and you chose. Nobody is perfect. But “there is perfection in imperfection”said Lao Tzu.
    From my own experience I have learned the road is our creation. Every thought, word, emotion will create the fog, the pothole or a magical experience through the meadow of life.
    We are free to choose. Always.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t disagree with your sentiment but the dead-end, the darkness that I was experiencing was a harsh, hard reality that no amount of imagination, fairy-dust, or gumdrops was going to eradicate. Did I create it? Yes, I created the situation that put me there. I stood, for a moment, in absolute hell, a hell I created but I survived and now I am here. Thank you for reading and taking the time to share your thoughts.

      Liked by 2 people

      • cobgoddess says:

        I understood . Can you see?
        The moment of darkness was your return point into the Light of who you are.
        Beyond Samsara you are Light.
        I think before we reincarnate we set ourselves up with a moment like that .
        Like a drawing coming alive from a dark line of shadow.
        It is a good story you tell. Just do not dwell there.
        What moved me reading your post was your courage to be vulnerable.
        Thank you for that.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lively Life says:

    May I ask if there was an all of a sudden BLAMO type of revelation in your brain/heart about moving forward. Or was it a ‘ I think I want to change or keep living so I’ll try for a little while’?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Positivity is all you need in life because that’ll help you find the light. Lovely read!
    Also, I’d really appreciate if you could follow my blog. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Patty says:

    ‘I don’t know too many perfect people’. Do you know any? 😉
    Maybe you should not think ‘in regrets’…I believe the choices you make in the moment, are right at that moment. But you can make new choices after that will feel better in the next moment. And as difficult as it was, you managed to make new choices, which some of them maybe in time you will have to make again and then choose for, again, an other direction. I hope you get my point, since my English is not my native language 😉
    Anyway, one of my motto’s in life: Expect the unexpected.
    Kind regards, Patty

    Liked by 1 person

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