“Baby you got married written all over your face”

I don’t wear a wedding ring. I am not protesting or trying to make a statement, my fingers just got to fat. When we were renovating our house my wife sent me to a lighting gallery to pick-up cut sheets on some fixtures she had picked out. The lady helping me said “If your wife has any questions just tell her to call me.”  Now, I had not mentioned that I was married or that my wife had sent me on this “errand” so I asked her how did she know I was married? In a sweet southern voice that only a southern man would appreciate she said “Baby you got married written all over your face.”

As an almost 60-year-old man (actually right in the middle but rounding up) I no longer get the looks or glances from the ladies like I “kind of” use to get (at least in my imagination I did). I am not sure when all that ended, maybe when my forehead turned into a six-head (get it?), when my jet-black hair turned gray, when my chin turned into chins, whenever it occurred, I became invisible which is a fascinating sensation.

You may be asking yourself, self, if he is married (30+ years) why does he give a shit that some 30-year-old or 40-year-old babe doesn’t turn around and say “Damn” when I walk past her. Real simple, caveman. As evolved as I might think I am, as deep, thoughtful and compassionate as I may be, at my core I am still just a knuckle dragging caveman with a caveman size ego.

A friend of mine left his wife in January. I ran into him at lunch this week and honestly didn’t recognize him. He had lost some weight, his hair was longer and “styled”, new glasses, hip (is that still a term?) clothes and a very different aura about him. I asked him how he was doing, how his son was, and what was new in his life. All were good plus, he added, he was dating a 32-year-old nurse. All I had for him was, thumbs up, good for you.

I went back to my office and pulled out my calculator. Roger, not his real name, is 55 years old, born in 1961. The nurse was born in 1984. In 1984 Roger was 23 so in reality he could be her father. Other than her looks (assuming she looks goods), his money, beach house and new Range Rover, I wondered what they would have in common, what would they talk about? Music? Books? Life experiences? Maybe it is about sex, or Roger’s mortality, I don’t know. So I pulled out the calculator again, when Roger is 80 (if he doesn’t die from a Viagra overdose beforehand) his nurse friend will be 57. I hope they will be happy, who knows.

I guess this caveman will continue to walk around with “married” written all over his face but ladies if you see me on the street do me a favor, pretend like you see me. Speaking for all the other invisible cavemen in your community we could milk that one very quick (even if insincere) look for a long, long, long time. We thank you.



About ends and beginnings blog

I am a frustrated writer and poet waiting to be discovered. A stand-up philosopher performing on a street corner near you. A Christian with questions but I don’t want to hear your answers. A Buddhist with a bumper sticker on my truck to prove it. A collector of quotes. A grower of lettuce. The Patron Saint of earthworms who name their children after me. A cyclist whose big ass strains the seams of his Lycra bibs. I am American by birth, Southern by the grace of God. My goal in life is to leave an imprint on the lives of the people I love not a footprint on the earth. I am a son, a husband, a father composed of 65%-Oxygen, 18%-Carbon, 10%-Hydrogen, 3%-Nitrogen, 3%-Diet Coke and 1%-Oreo.
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17 Responses to “Baby you got married written all over your face”

  1. TheWarner says:

    This piece is really funny. I know you were probably just going for honesty, but the humor can’t be overlooked. I enjoyed reading this, it put me in a good mood. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hahah! I had to comment. I joke with my “boyfriend” all the time. Him and his wife are recently going through a divorce. He’s 17 years my senior. His friends joke that they’re not sure what I’m doing with him and that Viagra will soon be needed. 😅
    I’m also a nurse. Which adds to the comedy behind it.
    Glad I stumbled upon this!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. None taken! I’ll definitely keep an eye on that 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I hear that it starts to hurt after a while lol

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Patty says:

    As a nurse she’s maybe looking forward to nurse him in the future? hihi

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Will says:

    From old knuckle dragging caveman, Bravo. Had three women love me in my life. Lost em all. Still don’t understand why me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Belinda O says:

    Others may laugh at me, but I feel sorry for your friend. I wouldn’t worry about the age difference when he’s 80. She’ll dump him long before then.

    Liked by 1 person

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