It’s Raining Acorns (with apologies to The Weather Girls)


“From little acorns mighty oaks do grow”-American Proverb

In about two months my yard is going to sound like a war zone. I am blessed (in the Summer) and cursed (when the acorns and leaves drop in the Fall) with eight mighty oaks and one godzilla oak on the little piece of terra firma I own (actually my wife owns). They are beautiful trees that support an abundant amount of urban wildlife as well as providing welcome shade for my home and yard. But I know what’s coming, weeks and weeks of massive acorns falling, raining, from great heights battering my roof and my cars.

Acorn production runs in some kind of cycle. I am not a Botanist but some years the trees produce more acorns than others. I have heard it has something to do with stress, rain or the lack thereof, which forces them to increase their urgent need to propagate their species (sounds a lot like my sex life just substitute beer for rain). Unfortunately I never know what kind of year it will be until the nuts begin leaving dents in the hood and roof of my car. I have had years when the wind was blowing that you felt like you were taking your life into your own hands just to walk down the driveway to get the mail. One of my kids bought a hard hat after taking a couple of vicious hits on top of their noggin.

So here I sit, the end of August wondering what kind of nut year we will have. I already know that it will take me an entire month and a half of weekends to blow the leaves, that is guaranteed. But the wonders of the acorns have yet to be discovered. I would be a millionaire many times over if I could sale each one for a dollar a piece, but I can’t. I can’t can I? Wait, I could set up a PayPal account on this blog and if each of my 700 followers bought just 1,430 acorns each, that math works. I’ll keep you posted. Anyway, I am thankful for the shade in the Summer but please excuse my bitching in the Fall.

About ends and beginnings blog

I am a frustrated writer and poet waiting to be discovered. A stand-up philosopher performing on a street corner near you. A Christian with questions but I don’t want to hear your answers. A Buddhist with a bumper sticker on my truck to prove it. A collector of quotes. A grower of lettuce. The Patron Saint of earthworms who name their children after me. A cyclist whose big ass strains the seams of his Lycra bibs. I am American by birth, Southern by the grace of God. My goal in life is to leave an imprint on the lives of the people I love not a footprint on the earth. I am a son, a husband, a father composed of 65%-Oxygen, 18%-Carbon, 10%-Hydrogen, 3%-Nitrogen, 3%-Diet Coke and 1%-Oreo.
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11 Responses to It’s Raining Acorns (with apologies to The Weather Girls)

  1. manqindi says:

    Can you market them as pigfood? It may compensate for dent repair and there may be a sort of vindicatory satisfaction about being treating the offenders as pigfood.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. samanthamurdochblog says:

    At least they’re not horse chestnuts…my mother has one in her garden and we have to pick every one up, otherwise the dog might tread on them.They hurt…I’ve trodden on one.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I remember one year our acorn crop was so heavy that the squirrels become positively obese. You almost felt sorry for them, out there waddling around and trying to push their way through the fence- although they were probably fine with it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Patty says:

    I think I am crazy enough to buy just one or two acorns from you hahaha

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Belinda O says:

    Don’t count on me for 1,430 acorns — but put me down for five. Do you have pine cones by any chance?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: It’s Raining Acorns part II | Ends and Beginnings

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