National Joke

Yes, this clown is our national joke but today is also officially National Tell a Joke Day. So to celebrate and recognize our national joke with some humor, at his expense, below are a few of my favorite T-rump jokes. Feel free to share yours.

How do you get Trump to change a light bulb? Tell him Obama put it in.

What’s the difference between Trump and the Hindenburg? One is a flaming Nazi gasbag and the other is a zeppelin.

What did Trump say when asked how to respond to Hurricane Florence? “Pay her the same as Stormy Daniels!”

A man died one day and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?” St. Peter replied, “Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move.” “Oh,” said the man as he pointed at one of them, “Whose clock is that?” St. Peter replied, “That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.” “That’s incredible, ” said the man. St. Peter pointed to another clock, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life.” The man was impressed, and then asked, “Where’s Donald Trump’s clock?” St. Peter said, “His clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.” Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?” The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.”

Why do Republicans insist on supporting Trump? Because they believe in taking a baby to full term.

What’s the difference between Russia and reality? Trump had connections with Russia.

Obama, Hillary Clinton and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, “Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned and what you believe in.” God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?” Obama thinks long and hard, looks God straight in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen.” God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama, and offers him a seat to his left. Then God turns to Clinton and says, “And what do you believe?” Clinton ponders for a while and then says, “I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I’ve always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American.” God is greatly moved by Clinton’s eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right. Finally, God turns to Trump and says, “And you, Donald, what do you believe?” Trump replies, “I believe you’re in my seat.”

Donald Trump says to Mike Pence, “The less immigrants we allow in, the better.” Pence says, “The fewer”. Trump says, “I told you not to call me that yet.”

I’m not a big fan of Donald Trump, but I’d never denigrate his supporters. If you’re a Trump supporter, denigrate means to put down.

Trump and Putin are out to dinner. The waiter asks Putin what he would like to order. “I’ll have the steak,” Putin says. The waiter says, “And for your vegetable?” “He’ll have the steak, too.”