“It was one thing, the promise he made every single day at every single speech. Forget the fact that he’s digging his own grave. The only national emergency is that our president is an idiot.” – Ann Coulter; Sean Hannity with boobs but bigger balls, the Fairy godmother of the Deplorable base, and every 16-year-old MAGA boys self-abuse fantasy
I am the same height today that I was when I was 13 years old or at least I used to be. I like to say that I “peaked” in middle school. I was the tallest of all of my friends at six feet. My athletic skills in football, basketball and track were unstoppable. I wore a peach-fuzz mustache, and had thick, black hair down to my shoulders. I was a middle school stud. And girls, well let me tell you, they saw right through me. I might have been tall, dark and handsome but I was still just a 13-year-old with pimples on my face that picked his nose, scratched his ass and acted like I was 10 most of the time.
But when I went to the doctor last month and got on the scales (I am going to skip that part of the discussion) and had my height checked I was no longer 72 inches tall but 70 inches, that would be 5 foot 10 inches tall. I told the nurse she had made a mistake and to please check again. This time I straightened my back, titled my head up and gained a half of an inch, 5 feet, 10 and half inches tall.
Look, I realize that 58 years of gravity will beat you down or as John Mayer likes to sing “Gravity is working against me, and gravity wants to bring me down” so imagine my surprise when I heard that “our” President, the ignoble Donald Trump had actually grown an inch at 72 years of age. During his physical last year it was “reported” that he weighed a spindly 239 pounds and was now a breathtaking six-foot three inches tall! All previous reports had his height at 6’ 2” and now, remarkably, he became the only man on the planet with the ability to defy the physics of gravity? Certainly an incredible achievement and one, in the minds of his Deplorable base, worthy of leading this great country.
Think about it from his MAGA red hat wearing bases perspective, if The Donald can kick gravities ass who or what out there can stop him?
His latest physical noted that he had gained a few extra pounds, now a scrawny 243 which in itself is hilarious but he was still kicking gravities ass at 6’ 3”. Last night Rachel Maddow showed pictures of Trump standing next to people who really were 6’ 3” and as you would guess Trump was noticeably, and I do mean noticeably shorter than they were. My favorite comparison Rachel offered was Drump standing between the Obama’s, Barack at 6’ 1” and Michelle at 5’ 11”. Even with three inches of air under that dead, blond squirrel he calls hair and the elevator shoes he wears he is barely, BARLEY, hitting the high water mark of six feet tall and believe me that would only happen with a full moon at high tide.
So why is this important? It seems like such a silly and innocuous concern, right? Here is the thing though, if Trump is willing to go to such great lengths of convincing not only himself but the world that he really is 6’ 3” (which he isn’t) and weighs only 243 pounds (which defies w = mg) then how can we believe him that the investigations about Russia, his inauguration, his foundation, his campaign, collusion, obstruction of justice, etc. aren’t real? We can’t and we don’t have too.
I realize his “supporters” are a dimwitted lot, which honestly is being overly kind and gracious. They truly believe The Donald is the second coming of the white Jesus, the one they have been waiting for since that swarthy Muslim man ruined this country for them. But good heavens how stupid, and white, do you have to be to allow an almost six-foot tall, 290 pound, 72-year-old con man convince you that he is making MAGA while he raises your taxes, increases the deficit, pollutes our air and water, and increases the cost of milk, bread and beer. How stupid do you have to be? It’s a rhetorical question. The vast majority of us already know the answer.