I am not nasty enough

It has been brought to my attention that I may be too nice, not mean enough. I thought about this today. How can I be more controversial, more contentious, more disagreeable, nastier.

A little background. I am southern, about as southern as they come. I say yes Ma’am, and no Sir. I speak to strangers, and look them in the eye and say good morning (it doesn’t play well in New York City). I stand-up when a lady comes to the table and leaves. I pull her chair out when she gets up and sits down. I open doors, I hold doors for everyone, because that is just the way my mother trained me.

Yes, I can be an asshole, I can speak my mind, but I will call you a piece of shit with a smile on my face and add a “bless his heart” as in “bless his heart but he really is a piece of shit”. It is hard for me to be a “dickhead”. I try sometimes but my mother’s voice rings in my head, be a compassionate human first and an asshole when compassion fails or when your family is threatened.

Maybe it’s the feminine side of me. Remember I only raised daughters, sensitive, quick to cry when their feelings are hurt daughters. I guard my words carefully, I swallow my knee jerk reactions because I am a son, a husband and a father of females and we all know that females are the perfect human beings.

Yes I am a nice guy. I take care of the widow across the street. I get my neighbor’s paper when they are out-of-town. I listen to opinions, and I accept everyone’s point of view. But don’t think you can run over me, or bully me. If I need to fight I will. If I need to protect my family, my values, you don’t want to f*ck with me. I am a big boy and I can have a very nasty attitude.

So if you read my blog and want me to be more controversial, more contentious, more disagreeable, and nastier I am sorry, I can’t. Trump or no Trump. Life is short, and as my Grandmother always said “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” Bless your heart.