I have been thinking a lot lately about Kyle Rittenhouse. He is the seventeen-year-old kid (at the time) who, with an AR-15 semi-automatic style rifle, decided to play pretend police officer during the civil unrest in Kenosha, Wisconsin in 2020. Rittenhouse killed two individuals and was charged with two counts of homicide, one count of attempted homicide, two counts of reckless endangerment, one count of unlawful possession of a firearm, and one count of curfew violation. He was found not guilty of all charges.
Never one to miss an opportunity to get some press, the Loser released the following statement after the verdict: “Congratulations to Kyle Rittenhouse for being found INNOCENT of all charges. It’s called being found NOT GUILTY—And by the way, if that’s not self defense, nothing is!”
And once the Loser gave his ringing endorsement, we knew what was to follow, all the GOP orange ass kissers followed suit. Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, Madison Cawthorn, Marjorie Taylor Green, and Paul Gosar all weighed-in crowning Rittenhouse the new prince of 2nd Amendment Rights and “conservative values”.
Since the verdict, Rittenhouse has been on the GOP clown circuit tour, visiting the Loser at his palace in Mar-a-Lago and he was even spotted eating BBQ with South Carolina’s xenophobic Attorney General at Maurice’s BBQ Piggie Park in Columbia, once owned by the ultra-racist Maurice Bessinger. All the MAGA politicians need and want a piece of him right now to keep their name, and bank accounts in front of the Deplorables.
But here is the thing, this kid is now just 18 years old, but he looks like a chubby-cheeked 14-year-old. I am not sure he even shaves, and I doubt he has ever kissed a girl. He is not old enough to drink and could vote for the first time this past November while he was on trial for murder. He was raised by a single mother who referred to him as a momma’s boy, and he was in the public safety cadet program which means he got to wear a full replica police uniform complete with tie, troopers’ hat, and badge.
So why did this puggy 17-year-old armed with an AR-15 feel the need to head to Kenosha to assist the police in dealing with rioters? Why did he think that was a good idea? My guess is he saw a call to arms on Facebook and thought this was his chance to put his fantasy of being a policeman in action. Instead, he spent most of the night running for his life until he got cornered and killed two people in “self-defense”.
Here is the problem, this 17-year-old kid with an assault rifle he wasn’t legally allowed to carry should never have been in Kenosha in the first place but that is logical and the Loser and MAGA don’t give a shit about logic. In their feeble, bent minds he is a hero exercising his patriotic duties to protect us from Antifa, BLM and all the other imaginary boogeymen they need us to fear.
As a father I hope Kyle Rittenhouse gets some help, some counseling, some advice from someone other than the Loser, Sean Hannity and Steve Bannon. MAGA will get every ounce of publicity and fundraising they can squeeze out of him and then scrap him off the bottom of their shoes like dog shit when they are done.
Sadly, based on his current trajectory and the “friends” he has surrounded himself with, I don’t suspect Rittenhouse’s life will have a fairytale ending. I hope I am wrong but his success in working through and past this moment of “fame” will depend on him. He will only get so much mileage out of his newfound celebrity until he is replaced by the next 15 minutes of shame award winner which today is Mr. Let’s Go Brandon, Jared Schmuck.